Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
