farters have to be the big spoon...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
