Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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