Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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