He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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