She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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