so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
