I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
