dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
