would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
