Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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