so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
