i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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