Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This is my gift to your gina
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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