I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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