How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i out mim tonsoeep
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
