This is not my ceiling
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
