Betty ford says i'm here all night
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
