Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
