Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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