This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
