I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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