that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
