"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
