Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
