Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize