He uses pillows to masturbate.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
