So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
