so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
