Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
