I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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