Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
