Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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