apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
