Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
