She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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