If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
