grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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