Umm I'm too high to move.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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