y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
