Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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