I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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