If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
