"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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