where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
