I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we're making bets on your personal life
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
