four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
