Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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