My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
