I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Best friends brother. Beat that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
MIDGETS
????
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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