I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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