Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
