Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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