I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
