Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
