we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
