College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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