Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
