if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
