Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
