i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
