I bet he comes in French.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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