When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
That was before I lit my hair on fire
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
