you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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